im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
