Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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