he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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