i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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