my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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