I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
