True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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