is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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