so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
