Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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