don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
