I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
