Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
