also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
