i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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