What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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