Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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