he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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