we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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