other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
