All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
