Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
