Soap is not a condiment
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
