you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Holy sore nipples Batman
did you just send me my own nude
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
