Fuck appropriateness.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
