I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
