The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
