fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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