Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
