i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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