look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
