Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
