It's Friday. Sex?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
