I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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