I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
