my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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