sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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