A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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