What a fucking waste of an outfit
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
