Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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