I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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