and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Come on in and take your pants off
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