You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
