my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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