i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
