I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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