Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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