how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
