She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
