I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
